Lunch at the Alfreddo mansion...

Everyday I get presented with a huge hunk of meat either to cook for the family unit, or if Beatrix (member no. 4) is there, I get presented with a huge hunk of cooked meat which I am expected to devour along with everyone else at midday.
There is little variation from the theme really – roast meat, potatoes and the odd salad only thrown in for my benefit – and I got positively frowned upon when I added some oregano to our chicken. Cooking pasta one day was completely out of everyone’s comfort zone and they politely moved the pasta to one side and just ate the obligatory meat.
Most lunch times follow the same pattern but each with their own ‘charm’ – whether it be Franco getting out his war wounds, Franco showing us texts from his five wives, or Franco telling us about his days as the village pin-up.
It is our last week but over the last month we have fit quite comfortably into the family unit which comprises of … (circus style drum roll please)…

1) Alfreddo. The boss, homeowner and wine shop owner. Looks Italian, talks Spanish and acts French. Moody in the mornings, typical male incapacity to put anything away but a generous heart and gleeful glint in his eye when he catches onto something playful.
2) Colin. Alfreddo’s Russian girlfriend’s well-groomed (but slightly dusty from all the building work) poodle. Gets so excited to see people sometimes that his legs shake and he has to sit down.
3) Franco. Alfreddo’s handyman and head b*tch for 10 years. Still considers himself a player despite his 62 years of age, wife and 5 children. Slightly loco and has a tendency to tell very tall tales, especially after a few beers at lunch time and even taller tales after 6 or 7 beers by 4pm.
4) Beatrix. The cheeky housemaid. Plays secret practical jokes on all the men which provide endless entertainment for her and for myself as a female.
5) Jim (Jimmy so everyone else calls him, I think there is a problem with names ending in consonants). Tends to smile at everything as he has no idea what is being said most of the time but throws back the odd word in Spanish just to play along. Likes to participate in practical jokes with Beatrix.
6) The painter. An older chap from the province who has clearly no experience in painting but has been brought in under recommendation from Franco, probably because they are neighbours and it gives Franco someone to talk to on the 3 hour train journeys. Quite quiet and tends to keep to himself but opens up after a beer at lunch (much more light weight than Franco) and can occasionally be audibly heard humming in the afternoon.
7) El chico. An 18 year old from northern Argentina hauled in to help as Franco’s b*tch. Occasionally volunteers the odd endearing question about the other side of the world. When I offered him to open my advent calender from home he took the Christmas sleigh shaped chocolate home to show his two children.
8) Me. Tries to spice up the odd lunch with spices and bread and other crazy worldly ingredients. Mainly enjoys listening to Beatrix making fun of all the men.

It is a pretty bizarre situation at times…